Frustrated

In the months since this post I've been fighting hard to stay celibate. Well, I say fighting - for the most part I haven't found it that hard. Except yesterday I got a bit hot under the collar and it's pissing me off. Today I cracked and said you know what I just need to get off a little, a little fantasy to set me straight and then I'll be fine. 10 seconds in I hit a brick wall and the libido just died. Tried again just now... did ok and then thought - do I really want my first orgasm after months of no touching, no fantasising, no nothing to be something that doesn't involve OtherHalf? This is a fairly futile line of thought as that means no more orgasms until we're married... if we ever are married... This time no brick wall. Me, actively, consentingly, letting go. Choosing not to. Man I wish I could just forget sex.