I had a bit of a rubbish morning this morning. Competing in a sport that wasn't mine. Just a friendly. Just to make up a team. And making a total lash of it.
It's not so much the fact that I did so badly... it's the fact that I know I can do it well, and have done in the past, and was doing so in practice. And then I didn't just do badly: I crashed and burned.
And the fact that I'd taken 2 hours out this morning, and another 2 for a practice earlier in the week - just to make myself look like a total loser.
And then the worst was the reactions of everyone else. My team were ok: they knew I'd just had a bad day, and they didn't really blame me. Or at least pretended not to. It doesn't really matter. But all the good people, the coaches and judges etc just looked at me in this really pitying way that made me feel so much worse. I just felt like saying if you'd done your job and ever watched me before then you'd know I can do this... But you didn't. And now... now I guess I collapse under nerves.
Such a waste.
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