So I'm back in uni having spent 2 hours this morning trying to find out whether or not I'm due in court today. I finally called 118 118 to get a phone number for the court so I now know trial starts at 12pm, but still not whether I should be there. So I've come back in to print some papers to read and work on and then I might just go - worst that can happen is I miss a day's work and stuff.
I was sat in the train station, just waiting and waiting. It reminded me of after we moved, when I was forever sat in a train station, playing my guitar, waiting for the next connection. Everytime they called the train I needed I half contemplated getting on it, and not bothering about whether or not I should be there. Then they started calling the train for Aberdeen. I've never been to Aberdeen. It seems a long way away from everything that's wrong right now and just for a little I considered I might up and run. I've got about 3 days worth of clothes with me, as I don't know if I'll have to stay away for the trial. I'm smart, I've nearly got my degree... I could just start again somewhere couldn't I?
Anyway, I'm now stressed and confused and scared and wondering whether it'd be rude to phone back the barristers... But at least I'm sane. Last night... I feel like a failure but at least I can think straight now. Even if straight is seeing how much I'm hurting myself.
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