And then...?

I'm sat in my departmental library, having just handed back some old textbooks. There are all these books here that I haven't read... all these books that I never will. The future seems a bit empty without the chance to learn any more.

I had this great plan that after finals I'd actually do some decent (academic) reading for pleasure - just read all the interesting stuff I never had time to. Except then there were bills and someone offered me vaguely-academic work that will give me some cash for socialising, and some extra CV points, and has the advantage of being over 10km away so I'll cycle far enough doing that to not need to go to the gym (misplaced card, so this is definitely a good thing).

I hope to come back here. I really do. The plan was a year out and then back. But that was really resting on me getting a 1st. I'll get a 2:1, and there's still enough funding for my subject to do further study somewhere. But probably not here.

Just makes me think about all the afternoons I lay on my bed doing nothing, or hung out in the common room. All the essays I rushed. All the papers I just skim-read. If I had my time again would I do it differently? Or would I fall into the same traps? Do all finalists feel like this?