The guys I was coaching last night told me it was a shame I was a finalist. They said I was a really good coach (*g*). They said I knew how to motivate them. How to make them sit up, man up, achieve their potential.
So now I'm doing the same for myself.
Sit up.
Man up.
How much do you want this?
Show some commitment.
Show me what you're made of.
You have not worked this hard to give up now.
This isn't just about you: there's a whole host of people to let down if you get it wrong now.
Sit up.
Eyes in front.
Keep it smooth.
Keep it calm.
Keep it technical.
You know how to do this.
You will do this.
Because you have to. Because there's no other choice. Because failure is not an option. Because the only way to make it go away is to finish the race.
So sit up. Man up. Push for the finish.
Thursday, 8 May 2008
And breeeeeathe
Well I got some practice questions back today with a bloody good mark - which is a good sign (especially after my mock in which I got a mid 2:2). Unfortunately that paper is completely different to the others I have to take, but I guess if I can get high enough marks on a couple more papers then lower marks on the other 6 won't be so world-destroying. Now I just need to get my ass in gear and learn everything else!
IndieKid has taken to counting the hours until his exams start. Shame mine start directly after his. I've told him he's banned from doing that to anyone as it's not healthy but as long as he stops doing it to me I'll be happy!
IndieKid has taken to counting the hours until his exams start. Shame mine start directly after his. I've told him he's banned from doing that to anyone as it's not healthy but as long as he stops doing it to me I'll be happy!
Wednesday, 7 May 2008
The Fear?
I think I might be getting the Fear. Yes, with a capital. You can hear it when I say it right? I've been wanting the Fear for at least a work. I'm too laid back. Too calm. Only today I started trying to do questions and it's not that I don't know the detail... I just don't know where to start. The essay plan... it's just not in my head. I knew I couldn't do this in first year - but last year it just all sort of slotted together. And now it's gone and I don't know how to get it back.
And every time I start to get my head down and be efficient coaching calls and it all falls apart.
WHY are my priorities so utterly messed up?!
And every time I start to get my head down and be efficient coaching calls and it all falls apart.
WHY are my priorities so utterly messed up?!
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
Do you work here?
Do you work here?
I looked up, expecting to see a WHSmith employee in the vicinity. There wasn't. There was a rather tall, apparently well off, and obviously foreign woman looking at me. I looked down at my distinctly non-WHSmith uniform-like university hoody.
No. I shook my head, and went back to my search for No. 10 staples. (Tip - don't buy WHSmith's cheapest stapler - mine broke within about a week - but now I have it and it's semi-mended I figure I may as well use it. You can guarantee that now I've put staples in it it will die again).
About a minute later...
Do you know Rymans?
I looked up at the tall, upper class, foreign woman.
Yes, it's just around the corner I replied - expecting that she wanted directions.
What is it? At this point I paused... I was stood in the stationery section of a store that sells, primarily, stationery. I was being asked about another stationery shop as though perhaps it might sell... fast food... or jewellery.
It's a stationery shop. Just around the corner. Right over there. A bit more expensive perhaps, but a bigger range.
And then she started to ask me about their stock!!
Some people just amaze me. No, I am not a shop employee. No, I am not a little old lady who tried to start to chat with you. I am a student, in a uni hoody, which clearly says University of X on it, who is clearly looking for some staples. Why in goodness' name should you think I'm a good person to ask about the printer cartridge selection of Ryman's?!
I looked up, expecting to see a WHSmith employee in the vicinity. There wasn't. There was a rather tall, apparently well off, and obviously foreign woman looking at me. I looked down at my distinctly non-WHSmith uniform-like university hoody.
No. I shook my head, and went back to my search for No. 10 staples. (Tip - don't buy WHSmith's cheapest stapler - mine broke within about a week - but now I have it and it's semi-mended I figure I may as well use it. You can guarantee that now I've put staples in it it will die again).
About a minute later...
Do you know Rymans?
I looked up at the tall, upper class, foreign woman.
Yes, it's just around the corner I replied - expecting that she wanted directions.
What is it? At this point I paused... I was stood in the stationery section of a store that sells, primarily, stationery. I was being asked about another stationery shop as though perhaps it might sell... fast food... or jewellery.
It's a stationery shop. Just around the corner. Right over there. A bit more expensive perhaps, but a bigger range.
And then she started to ask me about their stock!!
Some people just amaze me. No, I am not a shop employee. No, I am not a little old lady who tried to start to chat with you. I am a student, in a uni hoody, which clearly says University of X on it, who is clearly looking for some staples. Why in goodness' name should you think I'm a good person to ask about the printer cartridge selection of Ryman's?!
Monday, 5 May 2008
Misunderstandings 4 - Women Priests
Why is it that women can't be priests? Why, in a world where women are becoming more and more equal to men are they still denied the right to ordination?
As if it weren't obvious already, this is not my view - it's a view to which I attempt to offer an answer. As set out by the catechism:
This in itself actually explains it very well, but for the purposes of clarity I'll elaborate. Most of the arguments I've heard for the ordination of women priests fall into two categories:
1. Women should be equal to men in everything.
2. Jesus didn't choose women as priests because of the current Jewish climate.
Now firstly, I am by no means an anti-feminist; but this argument really hacks me off. There are plenty of ways in which men and women are not equal. Yes, there are battles that need fighting: there is unequal pay, and unfair treatment of rape victims, and sexual discrimination. But I think this is an incredibly worldy argument, for what is an incredibly spiritual question.
For instance, many people say (and in many ways I'm inclined to agree) that intercourse is a valuable - even vital - part of a serious relationship. Ergo everyone should be having sex or their relationships aren't worthwhile. Never mind the people who choose to abstain; never mind the scores of generations who abstained out of fear of pregnancy... Apparently without sex a relationship is not a relationship.
Well pardon me, but hard as celibacy is, and as detrimental as it might be in the short term, if Our Lord me to do it then I think at the very least I should damn well give it a try. I may stumble, I may fall, I may fail. But at the very least I will try to stick by the rules - just turning around and saying Well he didn't mean it isn't really an option.
Similarly here I feel the same can be said. Maybe men and women should be equal in every respect in this world (I don't actually think they should but that's just more controversy so let's simplify this) - but when have Christians ever lived by the laws of this world? When have we ever said it's ok to lie, or cheat, or screw people over? (NB not trying to imply that Christians are any more holy than anyone else - but there's generally more of an attempt not to even tell white lies, for instance). If God says that women can't be priests then no wordly argument about women having the right to stand equal will sway me on this point.
Secondly, and perhaps quite similarly, since when did JESUS live by the rules of 1st century Israel? This idea that He would disregard women as priests because He was worried they wouldn't be accepted... Well let's see:
1. Jesus had some very close women followers who He already treated essentially equally to the men. And yet he chose none of them - not his mother, or Mary of Magdalene or the women at Bethany - to be among the twelve.
2. Jesus consorted with tax collectors, and lepers, and "sinners". He was not afraid of accepting and bringing close to Him people that others had rejected. Priesthood was not given out as a reward for doing well (after all His priests included Peter - who denied him - and Thomas - who denied his resurrection) it was given to the Twelve for a reason.
3. A number of other religions at the time had priestesses - the idea was not completely alien.
I really REALLY don't like the idea that Jesus might have just "made a mistake" or conformed to the times because it was convenient. If He wanted women as priests, then either He would have just made them anyway or He would have come at a different time, to a different place. The work of Our Lord is not happenstance or random. It is all part of His plan, and I don't think we can do much better than to follow that plan.
As if it weren't obvious already, this is not my view - it's a view to which I attempt to offer an answer. As set out by the catechism:
Only a baptized man (vir) receives sacred ordination. The Lord Jesus chose men
(viri) to form the college of the twelve apostles, and the apostles did the same
when they chose collaborators to succeed them in their ministry. The college of
bishops, with whom the priests are united in the priesthood, makes the college
of the twelve an ever-present and ever-active reality until Christ’s return. The
Church recognizes herself to be bound by this choice made by the Lord Himself.
For this reason the ordination of women is not possible.
This in itself actually explains it very well, but for the purposes of clarity I'll elaborate. Most of the arguments I've heard for the ordination of women priests fall into two categories:
1. Women should be equal to men in everything.
2. Jesus didn't choose women as priests because of the current Jewish climate.
Now firstly, I am by no means an anti-feminist; but this argument really hacks me off. There are plenty of ways in which men and women are not equal. Yes, there are battles that need fighting: there is unequal pay, and unfair treatment of rape victims, and sexual discrimination. But I think this is an incredibly worldy argument, for what is an incredibly spiritual question.
For instance, many people say (and in many ways I'm inclined to agree) that intercourse is a valuable - even vital - part of a serious relationship. Ergo everyone should be having sex or their relationships aren't worthwhile. Never mind the people who choose to abstain; never mind the scores of generations who abstained out of fear of pregnancy... Apparently without sex a relationship is not a relationship.
Well pardon me, but hard as celibacy is, and as detrimental as it might be in the short term, if Our Lord me to do it then I think at the very least I should damn well give it a try. I may stumble, I may fall, I may fail. But at the very least I will try to stick by the rules - just turning around and saying Well he didn't mean it isn't really an option.
Similarly here I feel the same can be said. Maybe men and women should be equal in every respect in this world (I don't actually think they should but that's just more controversy so let's simplify this) - but when have Christians ever lived by the laws of this world? When have we ever said it's ok to lie, or cheat, or screw people over? (NB not trying to imply that Christians are any more holy than anyone else - but there's generally more of an attempt not to even tell white lies, for instance). If God says that women can't be priests then no wordly argument about women having the right to stand equal will sway me on this point.
Secondly, and perhaps quite similarly, since when did JESUS live by the rules of 1st century Israel? This idea that He would disregard women as priests because He was worried they wouldn't be accepted... Well let's see:
1. Jesus had some very close women followers who He already treated essentially equally to the men. And yet he chose none of them - not his mother, or Mary of Magdalene or the women at Bethany - to be among the twelve.
2. Jesus consorted with tax collectors, and lepers, and "sinners". He was not afraid of accepting and bringing close to Him people that others had rejected. Priesthood was not given out as a reward for doing well (after all His priests included Peter - who denied him - and Thomas - who denied his resurrection) it was given to the Twelve for a reason.
3. A number of other religions at the time had priestesses - the idea was not completely alien.
I really REALLY don't like the idea that Jesus might have just "made a mistake" or conformed to the times because it was convenient. If He wanted women as priests, then either He would have just made them anyway or He would have come at a different time, to a different place. The work of Our Lord is not happenstance or random. It is all part of His plan, and I don't think we can do much better than to follow that plan.
Sunday, 4 May 2008
Yesterday was just one of those days... I'm sunburned for starters, which is never a good thing, but I basically wasted a day coaching.
Well I say wasted... In the morning I was coaching the team I wanted to be coaching this term - as it's got a whole bunch of very enthusiastic lads who are really into it and want to do well. They were really up for some hard work, and because I'm not their usual coach I noticed some things they hadn't been told to do before - so I felt like we'd achieved something and they were very nice about it afterwards. We got ourselves in a bit of a tangle at the end, but overall it was a gorgeous morning, we did some good solid work, and I felt like a good coach.
The afternoon was my normal team. 50% people who want to work hard and are good, almost 50% who just want to do it for fun, and one in the middle who's the most enthusiastic of the bunch but doesn't realise you can't ask everyone to follow you when you're far from being the best on the team. We did some race practice and it was shockingly bad. Like I have nightmares about races going that badly. And at the end, when I said well we can't do it again so.... they all replied that they had plenty of energy so let's go again. Clearly I haven't explained the words "empty the tank" and "give it your all" well enough. And then, as if that wasn't good enough, random members of the public started criticising me for being too harsh.
Some days, I just want to hang up my coaching boots.
The worst bit was, I got back to the library and it was all I could think of. I'd do 10 minutes good work and then just start thinking about how horrible I was, and how maybe I should be nicer, and how at this rate they wouldn't qualify. Just kept eating me up. I suddenly got this image of everyone telling me I shouldn't coach anymore because I wasn't good enough and I knew that if it happened I'd just cut myself to oblivion. Not because I care about coaching, but because I can't bear the thought of being a failure. So now of course I'm mad at myself for wasting work time, when I should be concentrating on my finals, and not on whether or not some freshers who don't really care about the sport do well or not.
Well I say wasted... In the morning I was coaching the team I wanted to be coaching this term - as it's got a whole bunch of very enthusiastic lads who are really into it and want to do well. They were really up for some hard work, and because I'm not their usual coach I noticed some things they hadn't been told to do before - so I felt like we'd achieved something and they were very nice about it afterwards. We got ourselves in a bit of a tangle at the end, but overall it was a gorgeous morning, we did some good solid work, and I felt like a good coach.
The afternoon was my normal team. 50% people who want to work hard and are good, almost 50% who just want to do it for fun, and one in the middle who's the most enthusiastic of the bunch but doesn't realise you can't ask everyone to follow you when you're far from being the best on the team. We did some race practice and it was shockingly bad. Like I have nightmares about races going that badly. And at the end, when I said well we can't do it again so.... they all replied that they had plenty of energy so let's go again. Clearly I haven't explained the words "empty the tank" and "give it your all" well enough. And then, as if that wasn't good enough, random members of the public started criticising me for being too harsh.
Some days, I just want to hang up my coaching boots.
The worst bit was, I got back to the library and it was all I could think of. I'd do 10 minutes good work and then just start thinking about how horrible I was, and how maybe I should be nicer, and how at this rate they wouldn't qualify. Just kept eating me up. I suddenly got this image of everyone telling me I shouldn't coach anymore because I wasn't good enough and I knew that if it happened I'd just cut myself to oblivion. Not because I care about coaching, but because I can't bear the thought of being a failure. So now of course I'm mad at myself for wasting work time, when I should be concentrating on my finals, and not on whether or not some freshers who don't really care about the sport do well or not.
Thursday, 1 May 2008
Now that's what you call May Day
I'm sleep deprived.
So sleep deprived in fact that I feel slightly inebriated. Very inebriated really. I'm walking into things.
It's May Day - so that means stay up all night and drink all day. Unless you're me in which case it means minimal sleep, maximal sport, a pub lunch to celebrate the end of Exams Part 1 for wino and not nearly as much work as I should have done.
It's also Ascension Day - so I'll be off to Mass soon - and Election Day: although due to some faff with me moving house I'm yet to vote. Gotta remember to do that before bed.
Most of today is a blur. A big, sleepy, pro plus and coffee fuelled blur. It's amazing what you're capable of pushing yourself through when you have to. Still, in a month it'll be over. One month more. That's it. Just keep swimming.
So sleep deprived in fact that I feel slightly inebriated. Very inebriated really. I'm walking into things.
It's May Day - so that means stay up all night and drink all day. Unless you're me in which case it means minimal sleep, maximal sport, a pub lunch to celebrate the end of Exams Part 1 for wino and not nearly as much work as I should have done.
It's also Ascension Day - so I'll be off to Mass soon - and Election Day: although due to some faff with me moving house I'm yet to vote. Gotta remember to do that before bed.
Most of today is a blur. A big, sleepy, pro plus and coffee fuelled blur. It's amazing what you're capable of pushing yourself through when you have to. Still, in a month it'll be over. One month more. That's it. Just keep swimming.
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