GET IN!!
Draft 2 of my dissertation is finally finished, printed and ready to be handed in - it's over 50 pages long (epic!) but I am soooo happy and relieved. I'm tempted to run around the streets showing it to people...
In other news: Breakfast is (clearly) the best meal of the day. If I were forced to eat the same thing every day for 3 weeks for any other meal I think I'd flip! You'd just get bored, no matter how good it is. But no matter how much toast I eat it's still awesome, and cereal is good shiznit too. So I could happily eat the same cereal and toast for weeks at a time. But the best bit of breakfast is all the nice stuff: croissants, muffins, tea cakes, pain au chocolat (did I mention I enjoy baked goods?!)
Anyway, I'd just finished eating breakfast this morning, and wandered out into the street to get my bike. It's a quiet little side street (that connects two main roads) where people never go, but just before I stepped out onto the road there was suddenly a flurry of activity and about 20 bikes cycled past me, with 2 limping on at the end. It made me think of the Wildebeeste stampede in the Lion King hehe! Slightly bizarre, but sorta made my day.
Wednesday 30 January 2008
Tuesday 29 January 2008
How to spot a sportsman
There are several sacrifices you make if you want to do sport at uni. Well maybe not major sacrifices: just things that will happen time and again. The biggest sacrifices are almost certainly dress sense and room in my rucsac. Observe:
You can always identify a sportsman from the fact that in their rucsac will permanently be:
You will always be wearing trainers. Shoes, jackets and nice clothes do not feature in your world. You are likely to always have a raincoat (because it's hard to judge the weather at 6am when you get up). People at the gym know your name...
Do I sound bitter?
Second draft of dissertation so close to being done!
You can always identify a sportsman from the fact that in their rucsac will permanently be:
- clean underwear, t-shirt, socks (tracksuit can be worn because you tend not to train in it, so jeans not required. Same for trousers)
- showergel (can double as shampoo to save space)
- a hand towel (because real ones take up so much room)
- plasters
- cereal bars, oatcakes, bananas... other healthy type snack food... (because you're ALWAYS hungry)
You will always be wearing trainers. Shoes, jackets and nice clothes do not feature in your world. You are likely to always have a raincoat (because it's hard to judge the weather at 6am when you get up). People at the gym know your name...
Do I sound bitter?
Second draft of dissertation so close to being done!
Oh :(
Well it seems that karma decided to rear it's ugly head today. In fairness I don't think that nice things which you work hard for should require evening out (and also, to clarify, I don't actually believe in karma - I just find it a useful way to explain shit stuff happening)
Firstly our coach was horrified at the session we did on Sunday (which was pointless, and pathetic, and the reason for my gym-going session yesterday). This in itself is a good thing, as it means we should get a decent training programme enforced (as the captains don't seem to fancy doing that themselves! Captain number 2 didn't turn up today AGAIN). However it does mean that she wanted us to work extra hard and set us a pretty hard session this morning. I then finished late (we have to go in rotations as there are too many of us and I started late) and so forgot to stretch at the end as I needed to go.
Secondly, the central organisation of music lessons decided to move mine from 12pm to 11:30am without mentioning it, so I missed it which I'm VERY irritated about.
IndieKid scared the life out of me this morning by poking his head out of the door at 6:30am when I got up to go train. Generally he's completely nocturnal (and I do mean completely - doesn't get up until 2 or 4pm some days!) so this came as somewhat of a surprise, and also made me late as he wanted to chat.
All in all I'm in a bit of a shit mood now really :(
Firstly our coach was horrified at the session we did on Sunday (which was pointless, and pathetic, and the reason for my gym-going session yesterday). This in itself is a good thing, as it means we should get a decent training programme enforced (as the captains don't seem to fancy doing that themselves! Captain number 2 didn't turn up today AGAIN). However it does mean that she wanted us to work extra hard and set us a pretty hard session this morning. I then finished late (we have to go in rotations as there are too many of us and I started late) and so forgot to stretch at the end as I needed to go.
Secondly, the central organisation of music lessons decided to move mine from 12pm to 11:30am without mentioning it, so I missed it which I'm VERY irritated about.
IndieKid scared the life out of me this morning by poking his head out of the door at 6:30am when I got up to go train. Generally he's completely nocturnal (and I do mean completely - doesn't get up until 2 or 4pm some days!) so this came as somewhat of a surprise, and also made me late as he wanted to chat.
All in all I'm in a bit of a shit mood now really :(
Monday 28 January 2008
Yey!!
Well this morning I went to the gym in a very bad mood and as a result knocked a massive chunk off of my PB - I was very impressed and happy with myself until I stood up, legs went down, and promptly fell over. The rest of my work out was a bit of a ridiculous sham, because I was feeling so weak in the knees but I reckon it was worth it! Add to that cycling to the gym, lectures and home again and I will have moved over 15km today entirely under my own steam. Not bad :)
As a result I've also been starving all day. It's half 3 and I've already had an oat bar from the vending machine at the gym, a decent breakfast (3 x toast + cereal), a good lunch of rice and daal and things (gotta love Indian food!), a doughnut and a chocolate bar (because I was still finding it hard to concentrate!)
I've had a bit of a nerve-wracking afternoon writing out my statement for a court case I'm involved in next week (short notice, huh?) I'm not exactly a key witness but apparently a written statement wasn't enough so I get to go to court for the first time. People keep telling me it's not a big deal - after all I'm not a key witness, my statement is total gospel and I've been in a court room before for the Mock Trial competition so it's not too unfamiliar but obviously this is completely different. Hopefully I don't miss my train that morning or just plain freak out on the stand!
I saw my superviser to day in the department and he wants the next draft of my dissertation in my the end of the week. I've also had the lecture to go with the not-making-sense essay so I need to write that. And I really need to get a move on with my extended essay! Too much work :(
As a result I've also been starving all day. It's half 3 and I've already had an oat bar from the vending machine at the gym, a decent breakfast (3 x toast + cereal), a good lunch of rice and daal and things (gotta love Indian food!), a doughnut and a chocolate bar (because I was still finding it hard to concentrate!)
I've had a bit of a nerve-wracking afternoon writing out my statement for a court case I'm involved in next week (short notice, huh?) I'm not exactly a key witness but apparently a written statement wasn't enough so I get to go to court for the first time. People keep telling me it's not a big deal - after all I'm not a key witness, my statement is total gospel and I've been in a court room before for the Mock Trial competition so it's not too unfamiliar but obviously this is completely different. Hopefully I don't miss my train that morning or just plain freak out on the stand!
I saw my superviser to day in the department and he wants the next draft of my dissertation in my the end of the week. I've also had the lecture to go with the not-making-sense essay so I need to write that. And I really need to get a move on with my extended essay! Too much work :(
Saturday 26 January 2008
Misunderstandings Part 1: Evolution and the Image of God
Ok so our first two common misconceptions are that all Christians (this is the key part) believe that:
* Evolution is a lie / in some way false
and that
* We, being created in God's Image, are somehow superior, all-powerful, in charge of our own destiny or in some way better.
Firstly, I'd like to emphasise this point about it being all Christians. There are Christians (especially in the US for some reason) who are Creationists (i.e. believe that Genesis is the literal description of how the world was created) and who believe us to be God's steward within it. However, as a general rule they are a minority. A significant, and vocal minority: but a minority none-the-less.
Interestingly, the idea of Creationism is a relatively new one. While I wouldn't wish to state the example that Darwin was a Christian (as I understand this was more cultural than spiritual), creationism did not become a popular thesis until well into the latter part of the 20th century. As a general rule Christians didn't necessarily doubt the validity of Genesis but the absence of any alternative meant there was no reason to try and explain the slightly-hazy understanding of it that they had. The truth is that plenty of scientists throughout the world are Christians, and plenty of Christians see no reason why the theory of evolution and Genesis should be in conflict with this. Unfortunately, we tend not to be the ones who jump up and down and make a great deal of noise about this, meaning that the world as a whole seems far less aware that we exist.
There are obviously a number of reasons for this:
* Evolution is a lie / in some way false
and that
* We, being created in God's Image, are somehow superior, all-powerful, in charge of our own destiny or in some way better.
Firstly, I'd like to emphasise this point about it being all Christians. There are Christians (especially in the US for some reason) who are Creationists (i.e. believe that Genesis is the literal description of how the world was created) and who believe us to be God's steward within it. However, as a general rule they are a minority. A significant, and vocal minority: but a minority none-the-less.
Interestingly, the idea of Creationism is a relatively new one. While I wouldn't wish to state the example that Darwin was a Christian (as I understand this was more cultural than spiritual), creationism did not become a popular thesis until well into the latter part of the 20th century. As a general rule Christians didn't necessarily doubt the validity of Genesis but the absence of any alternative meant there was no reason to try and explain the slightly-hazy understanding of it that they had. The truth is that plenty of scientists throughout the world are Christians, and plenty of Christians see no reason why the theory of evolution and Genesis should be in conflict with this. Unfortunately, we tend not to be the ones who jump up and down and make a great deal of noise about this, meaning that the world as a whole seems far less aware that we exist.
There are obviously a number of reasons for this:
- Genesis is often seen as being poetic, or a metaphor
- The series of events within Genesis corresponds to an astonishing degree with the series of events known to have occurred in the birth of our world, and the evolution of life. (Down to my latest and most exciting discovery, that it even puts plants with seeds (that is to say conifers etc) before plants with fruits with seeds inside them (or flowering plants). What is so miraculous about it is that all of this was written a long time before we knew these things.
- Not all Christians think of God as an "interventionist" God. Many are happy with the idea that he started the ball rolling, while knowing the end result, and then sat back for a while.
Likewise the idea that man created God "in His own image", while universally accepted does not give us a great deal of indication as to what that means. What is it that sets us apart from the other animals? And how did God "create" us? There are several options available:
Firstly, God may have (in the way that Creationists believe) have created us from scratch, knowing the end result. This is often referred to as Intelligent Design.
Alternatively, God may have known at our inception what evolution would create, and then just sat back and watched it happen. (Not a big fan of this one myself - seeing as God is so intimately involved in our lives I can't see him taking a back seat for 4 billion years...
A final hypothesis is that at some point God chose the race of humans to be special. At some point he gave us a consciousness, a record of actions: a soul if you like. The awareness that we so often hear about in the Garden of Eden, following "Original Sin" (although that's a whole different ball game!). Our knowledge of our own actions gives us the potential to be Christ-like. This gives both the chance for God to make us in His own image (because at a specific point we became human, and His) and for evolution to have proceeded quite happily until this point.
Of course there's also the option that even our conscience is a part of evolution and that we were simply chosen because God likes us best.
That's all a bit rambly and waffly and I shall probably redraft this, but I suppose that is chapter 1.
Friday 25 January 2008
A dichotomy of parenting
While teaching at my last school, I recall having to seriously reconsider my views on some of my kids' parents. To be blunt, it was a rough area and there was some nasty stuff going on. More than one of the kids regularly turned up with more than suspicious bruises and a couple of the parents repeatedly relapsed into drug abuse. In general the kids weren't a bad bunch - the school had an undeserved bad reputation (since, although they could be a handful, we had ZERO occurrences of bullying etc, which IMO is far better than a school of goody-two-shoes who then beat each othe rup) but I also used to notice the little things: especially in their speech. I was fortunate enough that the state schools in the area where I grew up were of an above-average standard, and I grew up being an absolute bookworm, so I was never one to drop my t's or... well talk like a chav really.
I'd always sort of assumed that a lot of this was because of the parents - obviously kids pick up the way they speak from family. So it came as a bit of a shock when one of the mums got quite irate with her son for saying "ain't". I had to reconsider what these parents were trying to do for their kids, and how much of it was just being around other kids like them.
Today, similar situation. It's another school in a less-than-amazing area, although here there are fewer social problems, and more just that the parents aren't generally too bothered and the kids aren't learning very fast. I was stood around waiting for school to start when one Mum turned to her daughter:
What did you say?!
*cue kids looking sheepish*
What did you say?!
*kid realises she's in trouble*
*big pause from Mum*
It's oh my GOODNESS. *Child continues to look very sheepish, then turns to friend and sniggers*
Except for when it's oh my God...
At this point Mum lets kid know she's in big trouble...
2 minutes later Mum 2 walks up and starts chatting about something she read in the local Mail. About how :
Mrs X--- (one of the teachers to my kids) has f---ing mental problems! What they doin' lettin' 'er f---ing teach our kids? Wha' if she had a bad day and f---ing had one of 'em?
Now, firstly, there's one of my pet hates about how local papers blow anything of the vaguest interest completely out of proportion if it relates to teachers, scout leaders, or the clergy. I have seen firsthand the havoc that a local paper can create by printing the wrong photo, making unsubstantiated claims, leaving gaping ommissions and generally creating mountains out of molehills. As Dad, who I have come to like for being level-headed and sensible, pointed out depression isn't something that tends to make people prone to attacking small children, her previous relapses haven't affected her ability to teach, and the Mail is just working on the basis of somebody's off the cuff comments.
More pertinently, it does make me flinch a bit that somebody can be trying really hard to bring up this nice, mild-mannered, personable kids and then parents go in effing and blinding with no thought to how this will affect them. Ah well...
I'd always sort of assumed that a lot of this was because of the parents - obviously kids pick up the way they speak from family. So it came as a bit of a shock when one of the mums got quite irate with her son for saying "ain't". I had to reconsider what these parents were trying to do for their kids, and how much of it was just being around other kids like them.
Today, similar situation. It's another school in a less-than-amazing area, although here there are fewer social problems, and more just that the parents aren't generally too bothered and the kids aren't learning very fast. I was stood around waiting for school to start when one Mum turned to her daughter:
What did you say?!
*cue kids looking sheepish*
What did you say?!
*kid realises she's in trouble*
*big pause from Mum*
It's oh my GOODNESS. *Child continues to look very sheepish, then turns to friend and sniggers*
Except for when it's oh my God...
At this point Mum lets kid know she's in big trouble...
2 minutes later Mum 2 walks up and starts chatting about something she read in the local Mail. About how :
Mrs X--- (one of the teachers to my kids) has f---ing mental problems! What they doin' lettin' 'er f---ing teach our kids? Wha' if she had a bad day and f---ing had one of 'em?
Now, firstly, there's one of my pet hates about how local papers blow anything of the vaguest interest completely out of proportion if it relates to teachers, scout leaders, or the clergy. I have seen firsthand the havoc that a local paper can create by printing the wrong photo, making unsubstantiated claims, leaving gaping ommissions and generally creating mountains out of molehills. As Dad, who I have come to like for being level-headed and sensible, pointed out depression isn't something that tends to make people prone to attacking small children, her previous relapses haven't affected her ability to teach, and the Mail is just working on the basis of somebody's off the cuff comments.
More pertinently, it does make me flinch a bit that somebody can be trying really hard to bring up this nice, mild-mannered, personable kids and then parents go in effing and blinding with no thought to how this will affect them. Ah well...
Thursday 24 January 2008
What is the world blogging about?
Recently, in the pausing-from-dissertation procrastination breaks I've been using the little "next blog" button to scroll through other people's google blogs. I've found some interesting ones: a hardcore Chicago lawyer, laughing at everyone with new years resolutions to go to the gym, who complain that they've been there since 6:30 when he's been there since 5 (5?! My gym doesn't OPEN until 7!!); a Texan girl living in Ireland; this mom with 7 kids, one of whom is adopted, and then today on a hill village by Laura, who works in the Peace Corps. I've also noticed an abundance of blogs in other languages. There's a lot of crap to trawl through (blogs of entirely advertisements or porn) but there's also an awful lot of stuff that I just can't read. Now the abundance of Spanish I figure is because that's like the second most common language in America right? And now I think about it that sorta makes sense. And there's a lot of Asian script that I can't read. But there's also a LOT in French, German and for some reason Dutch! Makes me feel quite ... whatever the opposite of multicultural is.
I'm back in the department redoing the work I did last night, but thankfully I'd set up the system well enough that I just copied stuff over and ran it again really fast, so maybe I can go shower now (circuits this morning)
Also today I realised why my breaks aren't working very well. When the guys at the bike shop put my new inner tube in they disconnected them (for obvious reasons) but then didn't reconnect them again!! But I sorted out how to so now all is good :)
I'm back in the department redoing the work I did last night, but thankfully I'd set up the system well enough that I just copied stuff over and ran it again really fast, so maybe I can go shower now (circuits this morning)
Also today I realised why my breaks aren't working very well. When the guys at the bike shop put my new inner tube in they disconnected them (for obvious reasons) but then didn't reconnect them again!! But I sorted out how to so now all is good :)
Wednesday 23 January 2008
Almost there
I am so close to getting Draft 2 of my dissertation written!! (But how? I hear you ask... Well I've basically worked SOLIDLY for a week and now I want to die...) It's mainly semantics, as all my conclusions are pretty much fine. I've got to do a bit more number crunching (I did a bunch of stats today and then found out I'd screwed up a line of formula so the end results are wrong, but I have to wait until I'm back in the department to use the program.); and I need to rewrite the one bit that really doesn't make sense; and I need to cut some words (although not many - without my tables I'm actually under!!)
I actually haven't done loads today - I took the morning off to catch up with sleep, and do some washing (yey! Laundry crisis is OVER!!) and wash up... There were plans to vacuum as well but they came to nothing. I was hoping to go out tonight but I've got early morning training and I can't stay with OtherHalf so it's a long cycle in that I can well do without and I might just get an early night.
I have recently rediscovered LolCats - sadly most of the top rated ones now are cute rather than funny but this one made me laugh.
Anyway back to la stats
I actually haven't done loads today - I took the morning off to catch up with sleep, and do some washing (yey! Laundry crisis is OVER!!) and wash up... There were plans to vacuum as well but they came to nothing. I was hoping to go out tonight but I've got early morning training and I can't stay with OtherHalf so it's a long cycle in that I can well do without and I might just get an early night.
I have recently rediscovered LolCats - sadly most of the top rated ones now are cute rather than funny but this one made me laugh.
Anyway back to la stats
Tuesday 22 January 2008
Misunderstandings
I can't believe it's only 2 days since I last blogged! I've had a couple of things going round and round that I wanted to write about, but I'm back in dissertation hell (now about 500 words over the limit too *gulp* and, bizarrely, soon after I started to think about this I encountered a rather vitriolic debate on the same topic on a forum I read, which made me a bit sad and confused and... yeh it got put to one side.
It troubles me, that the actions of a minority influence people's views of the majority: that people view all Christians as nut-jobs, evangelists, and rejectors of science. The way I understand it this is more-so the case in the US than here, but after some of the things I've read this is worrying me a touch. I think that there are a lot of aspects of Christianity that people fail to understand. Most of the atheists I know take a "well clearly it's rubbish" approach that surprises me. How can somebody accuse me of being irrational for believing in something that surrounds me every day of my life, while simultaneously having no knowledge of that phenomenon. They reject it from first principles without even trying to understand what it is we believe or why we believe it. So I'm thinking I need to write a few posts about some of these common misconceptions, and what the Christian viewpoint on them actually is.
It troubles me, that the actions of a minority influence people's views of the majority: that people view all Christians as nut-jobs, evangelists, and rejectors of science. The way I understand it this is more-so the case in the US than here, but after some of the things I've read this is worrying me a touch. I think that there are a lot of aspects of Christianity that people fail to understand. Most of the atheists I know take a "well clearly it's rubbish" approach that surprises me. How can somebody accuse me of being irrational for believing in something that surrounds me every day of my life, while simultaneously having no knowledge of that phenomenon. They reject it from first principles without even trying to understand what it is we believe or why we believe it. So I'm thinking I need to write a few posts about some of these common misconceptions, and what the Christian viewpoint on them actually is.
Sunday 20 January 2008
Mastercard
A new inner tube for your back wheel: £3.45
Labour to fit said inner tube: £5.50 (seriously though, why did I agree to pay for somebody to do this?!)
Having your new inner tube so well pumped up that you do the journey into town in about 2/3 of the time it usually takes you: PRICELESS
Labour to fit said inner tube: £5.50 (seriously though, why did I agree to pay for somebody to do this?!)
Having your new inner tube so well pumped up that you do the journey into town in about 2/3 of the time it usually takes you: PRICELESS
Being a grown up
In general I find that people get older, they get bigger, they get more sure of themselves... but they rarely grow up. They still do silly destructive things without being quite sure why, and they still wish there was somebody there with all the answers. Having to be a grown up is a touch scary: I'm ok with being an adult - but a grown up means this whole level of maturity and lack of fun that I am just not ready for!
However, I've noticed that some of the "so sensible it's boring" advice our parents have given us for years suddenly becomes... second nature? More than that I guess...
I remember as a kid in primary school being very jealous during a class survey of bed times. I was 7 or 8 I think and my bedtime was 8pm, but other children in my class went to bed at 10! And we all thought they were so cool. Similarly in sixth form I would often stay up til 2 or 3 online talking on msn or posting on various forums. Now the opportunity to go to bed at 10 makes me feel like it's the best day ever. And if I've had a sleepless week I will happily go to bed when I come in at 8 or 9!
Similarly, my Mum always had a big thing for wearing layers. Which at the time seemed to mean wearing a vest, and a t-shirt, and a shirt, and a jumper and an ugly anorak with a big hood. (NB this is back to when I'm 7, not sixth form!) In later years she'd always insist I wouldn't be warm enough and try to convince me to wear more. Now I'm at uni I finally understand the wonders of the layers. The layers keep me warm when it's -5 outside, let me strip off to the bare minimum once I get to the scorching library (well it feels that way once I've cycled in!) and then gradually put them back on as I acclimatise. Perfect :)
Maybe I'm all grown up :O
However, I've noticed that some of the "so sensible it's boring" advice our parents have given us for years suddenly becomes... second nature? More than that I guess...
I remember as a kid in primary school being very jealous during a class survey of bed times. I was 7 or 8 I think and my bedtime was 8pm, but other children in my class went to bed at 10! And we all thought they were so cool. Similarly in sixth form I would often stay up til 2 or 3 online talking on msn or posting on various forums. Now the opportunity to go to bed at 10 makes me feel like it's the best day ever. And if I've had a sleepless week I will happily go to bed when I come in at 8 or 9!
Similarly, my Mum always had a big thing for wearing layers. Which at the time seemed to mean wearing a vest, and a t-shirt, and a shirt, and a jumper and an ugly anorak with a big hood. (NB this is back to when I'm 7, not sixth form!) In later years she'd always insist I wouldn't be warm enough and try to convince me to wear more. Now I'm at uni I finally understand the wonders of the layers. The layers keep me warm when it's -5 outside, let me strip off to the bare minimum once I get to the scorching library (well it feels that way once I've cycled in!) and then gradually put them back on as I acclimatise. Perfect :)
Maybe I'm all grown up :O
Saturday 19 January 2008
All going wrong
Never, never go back to redo sections, re-look up quotes, re-analyse data in your dissertation unless you want to get bitchslapped with a load more work. I am the most meticulous person I know in terms of writing myself notes to say I did this here, I did that there ... Most of my spreadsheets for work have the "tidy copy" which can be printed and then the 16 page scary spreadsheet with 18 formulae and 538 IF statements. And yet I seem to spend a surprising amount of time re-drafting because I've found a tiny mistake that perpetuates through the next 87 statistical tests. I've just found the latest instance of me entirely swapping my data around (I changed which set of data was recorded on which side of the page half way through and am still paying the price 6 months later) So my wonderful conclusion, with a slightly misleading graph has now been demolished by my own sweet naive attempts to do the proper graph instead of one with reciprocals (which massively overemphasise tiny relationships). Additionally I've been told I have to keep primary information separate from any conclusions I make. So literally section 3 is Number number number, quote quote quote, stat stat stat. And then Section 4 is "In Section 3 Chapter 1 Part 12 the statistic quoted means that..." It's such a load of shit. Grrr. And despite my best attempts to cut out waffle the wordcount is now 6962. I am consoling myself by saying that this includes tables, but the actual wordcount of my project excludes them, so I've probably got an extra hundred words to play with (most of the tables are on separate sheets, but 2 are interspersed)
Phallic Power
I had a really good night in last night with IndieKid and CrazyGuy. You know, just one of those mellow nights where the conversation drifts from poetry to politics, to why the floor is so dirty, to the massive pile of recycling that nobody will ever do, to anime, to feminism, to slash (see my earlier post about confessions in the pub) and finally to role reversal in said genre of writing and whether men or women are more likely to be the Dom in S+M relationships. The culmination of this discussion was IndieKid's assertion that this was because of "phallic power". Cue the following from CrazyGuy:
*unzips and takes out imaginary penis*
(yes he used that many verbal exclamation marks)Oh no!
There's no coal left!
No oil!
No gas!
The nuclear powerstations are down!
What will we do?!
I KNOW!!
*unzips and takes out imaginary penis*
We'll use my wang! PHALLIC POWER!
You would have thought that at this point life couldn't get much more bizarre. I may have fallen off my chair. But oh no... things could only get worse... because it was at the point where I tried to continue the conversation (or what was left of it) that my poor addled vocabulary decided to produce the word phalanx instead of phallace. (Which I won't link to incase it comes up with porn) It was that kind of night really...
Friday 18 January 2008
Oh dear
Just word-checked my dissertation (don't judge me for working on a Friday night - OtherHalf is out for dinner and my lack of bike makes it impossible to get anywhere, so I may as well use the time wisely!) and it's currently 6729. Now seeing as there's a bunch of other stuff I need to add (have revised the first 3 sections but not the latter 2 yet) and the word limit is 7000 I may be in straights... I mean obviously I can cut down but I write fairly concisely anyway. Oh-oh
On the plus side I finished my book :-)
On the plus side I finished my book :-)
Flat tyre
As if things couldn't get more annoying...
At some point today, probably while cycling up the very large hill that I wasn't meant to go up in the first place, I cycled over some glass and completely slashed my tyre. So now my bike is in the shop and I am facing the prospect of a 40 minute walk home. Joy. This also means that (because I wasn't about to walk all the way home and then all the way back just to shower) I haven't showered in about 27 hours (i.e. since I showered after training yesterday)... which isn't too bad but still makes me feel sorry for the people sat near. I'm just praying I don't get slammed with a load of weekend training that I'll need to cycle to, as I'm not getting my bike back until at least tomorrow lunchtime, but probably later.
On the plus side the cycle up the stupid big hill (I swear it was a 1 in 1 gradient!) did work out a few of the kinks I didn't manage to stretch off yesterday morning. I've started doing some volunteer work at a school: I do miss the kids I used to work with - so now I've got to start planning an activity for next week. It's too cold to do much sport, and I have a feeling they're none to musical so it looks like a craft-y one.
Pub was good... if slightly disturbing. I think rape, paedophilia, mums that write slash and lesbians are just too many confessions for one evening really. But none of these seemed to phase the people talking about them so I guess I needn't worry too much either. (Just to clarify, none of my friends are rapists or paedophiles)
I am currently elbow deep in stats and, bizarrely, Venn Diagrams, which I haven't used since... well since the last time I was teaching basic maths to primary school children - and yet it would appear that they're far more complex and interesting than I'd ever realised. And relevant to my dissertation, which is nice. The essay has been shelved for now: this is far more interesting ;)
At some point today, probably while cycling up the very large hill that I wasn't meant to go up in the first place, I cycled over some glass and completely slashed my tyre. So now my bike is in the shop and I am facing the prospect of a 40 minute walk home. Joy. This also means that (because I wasn't about to walk all the way home and then all the way back just to shower) I haven't showered in about 27 hours (i.e. since I showered after training yesterday)... which isn't too bad but still makes me feel sorry for the people sat near. I'm just praying I don't get slammed with a load of weekend training that I'll need to cycle to, as I'm not getting my bike back until at least tomorrow lunchtime, but probably later.
On the plus side the cycle up the stupid big hill (I swear it was a 1 in 1 gradient!) did work out a few of the kinks I didn't manage to stretch off yesterday morning. I've started doing some volunteer work at a school: I do miss the kids I used to work with - so now I've got to start planning an activity for next week. It's too cold to do much sport, and I have a feeling they're none to musical so it looks like a craft-y one.
Pub was good... if slightly disturbing. I think rape, paedophilia, mums that write slash and lesbians are just too many confessions for one evening really. But none of these seemed to phase the people talking about them so I guess I needn't worry too much either. (Just to clarify, none of my friends are rapists or paedophiles)
I am currently elbow deep in stats and, bizarrely, Venn Diagrams, which I haven't used since... well since the last time I was teaching basic maths to primary school children - and yet it would appear that they're far more complex and interesting than I'd ever realised. And relevant to my dissertation, which is nice. The essay has been shelved for now: this is far more interesting ;)
Thursday 17 January 2008
The future
There is one advantage to being a finalist: The presence of these looming exams gives you very little time to think about other things. Now that may mean that you can't read a book (2/3 of the way through - get in), and that you forget what the outdoors smells like, and that you eat rubbish, and that all your relationships go to pot. But it also gives you a damned good excuse to not think about the future: The lack of anyone to spend it with (did I mention I was a pessimist when it comes to maintaining friendships, relationships and close personal ties?); the lack of anywhere to live, and possibly most importantly the lack of anything to do with my life. So I really, really wish that Milkround would stop sending me emails three times a day (yes, 3) telling me about graduate opportunities, further education and internships. I'm already painfully aware that everybody around me has the next 10 years of their life planned out. I don't. And I don't want to! I want to have some fun and live a little and work out who I am. Is that such a lot to ask?
Looking up
Well my essay is finally under way - something like 1500 words written so far, so I'll probably get it up to 2000 and then see how this infamous lecture goes. It's nice to know I haven't quite lost the knack of just ploughing on through and producing something of adequate quality. Let's hope that stays in place for the next 6 months!
In a bizarre turn of events Lawyer (who lives quite close to me) asked if I fancied going 'round to watch Cinderella. I happened to be passing by last week when Rapunzel was on and it was fun, but it's just unusual for somebody that I don't know so well to actually offer to spend time with me. That makes me sound like a bit of a loner doesn't it. But aha I had to say no because I already have plans *is smug*. Sorry - that's quite unusual! I'm just going to the pub with my coursemates (lectures are mostly winding down, so apart from the ones taking the last couple of courses I'm doing this term I have no reason to see most of them until exam time!) but all the same it's nice to be in demand!
Also, today I appear to have developed a complete lack of awareness. I have left my rucsac behind not once, not twice, but three times today! Once in the library, once in the computer room, and a third time this morning after breakfast, when I walked out without it and had to go back, tail-between-legs to collect it. Bizarre.
In a bizarre turn of events Lawyer (who lives quite close to me) asked if I fancied going 'round to watch Cinderella. I happened to be passing by last week when Rapunzel was on and it was fun, but it's just unusual for somebody that I don't know so well to actually offer to spend time with me. That makes me sound like a bit of a loner doesn't it. But aha I had to say no because I already have plans *is smug*. Sorry - that's quite unusual! I'm just going to the pub with my coursemates (lectures are mostly winding down, so apart from the ones taking the last couple of courses I'm doing this term I have no reason to see most of them until exam time!) but all the same it's nice to be in demand!
Also, today I appear to have developed a complete lack of awareness. I have left my rucsac behind not once, not twice, but three times today! Once in the library, once in the computer room, and a third time this morning after breakfast, when I walked out without it and had to go back, tail-between-legs to collect it. Bizarre.
Thursday
It's been a weird couple of days... I've been very up and down. Had a good couple of training sessions - hopefully I've stretched off properly! There's always a risk at the start of term that you'll push yourself too hard (I'm a bit of a masochist) and then find yourself regretting it for the next week when you get strain. The funniest thing is that usually the only thing to take the pain away is more excercise! Anyway there's been some bad news from home, and I've been asked to play a different part in something I'm rehearsing for (after rehearsals grr) and was really looking forward to, which kinda sucks, and to cap it off had another Passive Agressive Non-fight with OtherHalf about nothing very much. I just keep saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing at the moment. I seem to have lost the ability to know when it's better to just mumble and say oh it wasn't important than explain something less-than-well-considered that I've said. I wish I could blame that on finals, because if I carry on like this I can see it getting messy... just feel like I could do with a wakeup call right now y'know?
Tuesday 15 January 2008
Seven hungry savages
A hundred hairy savages, A hundred hairy savages,
Sitting down to lunch, Sitting down to lunch,
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble. Gobble, Gobble, Gobble
Munch, Munch, Munch! Munch, Munch, Munch!
I'm hungry!! So far today I've eaten a bowl of cereal and piece of toast (which sounds reasonable, but I had an hour-and-a-bit of training before hand!) a bowl of pasta and a rather significant amount of Christmas cake. I justify this on the basis that said cake is about 10 inches wide. So when you cut a slice it's 10 inches long. And it needs to be about a centimetre thick in order to prevent it from crumbling. So I tend to bring the whole lot with me and then I can snack throughout the day / eat it over several days as it keeps really well. But still I have the hunger. Today was the first training session of term and I'm beginning to regret letting myself get fat and lazy over Christmas. We didn't really train much last term, too busy getting all the freshers settled in and now I'm paying for it!
I finally had the meeting with my superviser about my project, which - thankfully - was only half as long as the one with my tutor and actually related to what I've written rather than the style I've written it in. (Although that said he, unlike my tutor, doesn't think I should sacrifice my grammar for the sake of readability. I refuse to end a sentence with a preposition just to cut the length.)
The essay is still going nowhere - I swear I've been given the wrong reading list. Some of the unrelated papers were actually quite interesting: but then I started to read a related one and remembered how dull it was *yawn*. I might have to just get my ass on Google Scholar or ISI and try to find some relevant material myself :(
Oh and as if my day wasn't great enough, I have an ulcer, and my lectuer over-ran by THIRTY-FIVE minutes so I was late for the meeting with my tutor. Then I went outside and saw somebody had knocked my bike over in the mud, so I had muddly handles and my chain shifted. Unfortunately I didn't realise this until I jumped off the pavement to right-turn in front of oncoming traffic.
However counter to how the above may sound, I'm not in a bad mood... just tired and grumpy. It's stopped raining so at least there are small blessings!!
Sitting down to lunch, Sitting down to lunch,
Gobble, Gobble, Gobble. Gobble, Gobble, Gobble
Munch, Munch, Munch! Munch, Munch, Munch!
I'm hungry!! So far today I've eaten a bowl of cereal and piece of toast (which sounds reasonable, but I had an hour-and-a-bit of training before hand!) a bowl of pasta and a rather significant amount of Christmas cake. I justify this on the basis that said cake is about 10 inches wide. So when you cut a slice it's 10 inches long. And it needs to be about a centimetre thick in order to prevent it from crumbling. So I tend to bring the whole lot with me and then I can snack throughout the day / eat it over several days as it keeps really well. But still I have the hunger. Today was the first training session of term and I'm beginning to regret letting myself get fat and lazy over Christmas. We didn't really train much last term, too busy getting all the freshers settled in and now I'm paying for it!
I finally had the meeting with my superviser about my project, which - thankfully - was only half as long as the one with my tutor and actually related to what I've written rather than the style I've written it in. (Although that said he, unlike my tutor, doesn't think I should sacrifice my grammar for the sake of readability. I refuse to end a sentence with a preposition just to cut the length.)
The essay is still going nowhere - I swear I've been given the wrong reading list. Some of the unrelated papers were actually quite interesting: but then I started to read a related one and remembered how dull it was *yawn*. I might have to just get my ass on Google Scholar or ISI and try to find some relevant material myself :(
Oh and as if my day wasn't great enough, I have an ulcer, and my lectuer over-ran by THIRTY-FIVE minutes so I was late for the meeting with my tutor. Then I went outside and saw somebody had knocked my bike over in the mud, so I had muddly handles and my chain shifted. Unfortunately I didn't realise this until I jumped off the pavement to right-turn in front of oncoming traffic.
However counter to how the above may sound, I'm not in a bad mood... just tired and grumpy. It's stopped raining so at least there are small blessings!!
Monday 14 January 2008
Numbers
Essays I have to write this term: 8
Days til my extended essay deadline: 94
Days til my first exam: 100
Length of my dissertation: 5313
Number of words left: 1787
Length of the talk I had with my tutor about said dissertation: 2 hours
Hours left until deadline: 884 (should have posted at noon!)
Number of very boring primary texts I’ve read today: 5
Number left to read before I can stop for the day: 4
Rehearsals I’ve stupidly agreed to this week: 5
Lectures left this term: 24
Staplers I’ve bought today: 1
I got sick of their never being staples in the one in the library... so I actually went out and bought a stapler, knowing perfectly well I have a good one at home :-O
Days til my extended essay deadline: 94
Days til my first exam: 100
Length of my dissertation: 5313
Number of words left: 1787
Length of the talk I had with my tutor about said dissertation: 2 hours
Hours left until deadline: 884 (should have posted at noon!)
Number of very boring primary texts I’ve read today: 5
Number left to read before I can stop for the day: 4
Rehearsals I’ve stupidly agreed to this week: 5
Lectures left this term: 24
Staplers I’ve bought today: 1
I got sick of their never being staples in the one in the library... so I actually went out and bought a stapler, knowing perfectly well I have a good one at home :-O
Sunday 13 January 2008
Don't want to work on a Sunday night
It's gone 9pm on a Sunday night, and I'm working. Or rather I'm trying to work. Or... I'm sat in the library surrounded by papers that I haven't read, idly procrastinating while I pretend to write this essay that's due in this week that I've barely touched and wait for OtherHalf to call me and say it's time to watch Grey's Anatomy. I'm so unbelievably bored... (and tired) How am I going to get through this term if I'm losing the will to work NOW?!
Saturday 12 January 2008
I am reading a children's book: a fantasy children's book (in the vein of Harry Potter or Philip Pullman... although I'm never entirely sure that Northern Lights is meant to be for children, or if it's just about them), but a children's book none the less. Despite this, I am actually rather proud of myself. This is the probably the first time since beginning university that I have successfully retained the ability to read during term time. Granted, it's only January 12th so I suppose the real test will come in around about the beginning of February. But bearing in mind that I can happily knock off 500 pages in a day during the holiday it serves as great disappointment that I can't at least find 20 minutes in a day to read normally. So if children's books are the only thing simple enough to get into then I shall read children's books.
That's not to say that I have no time - or else I wouldn't be blogging would I?! It's just that when I do have time I play with Facebook, or I watch House or Scrubs or Grey's Anatomy (hmmm I sense a theme...) or I go sit in my kitchen until Flatmate decides he needs a break and offers me a ginger biscuit (this is one of our strange rituals). Besides which there's alwayst that wonderful trick of looking at a paper and vaguely highlighting it while not really reading it... And a significant amount of time goes on idle strumming of the guitar.
So I'm really not sure why it should be that I can't find the time to read. But this will be a New Years Resolution I feel - to keep reading!!
That's not to say that I have no time - or else I wouldn't be blogging would I?! It's just that when I do have time I play with Facebook, or I watch House or Scrubs or Grey's Anatomy (hmmm I sense a theme...) or I go sit in my kitchen until Flatmate decides he needs a break and offers me a ginger biscuit (this is one of our strange rituals). Besides which there's alwayst that wonderful trick of looking at a paper and vaguely highlighting it while not really reading it... And a significant amount of time goes on idle strumming of the guitar.
So I'm really not sure why it should be that I can't find the time to read. But this will be a New Years Resolution I feel - to keep reading!!
Mock exams and socialising
Well I've survived my first set of mocks and all in all they weren't horrific. At this point in the year you can have a guess that they'll be made mainly out of past papers (whereas later in the year they often write originals so that it's a more realistic experience - at this stage there's no way we've learned all the material so it's a bit silly to put extra effort in) so I'd done a shed-load of essay plans and two of the ones I'd planned came up. Can't say I wrote either of them brilliantly but then I have spent a week working on an essay I have to hand in and mooning over the first draft of my dissertation (which was torn to shreds - although apparently that's normal!) so it's not like I gave it my best shot really. I'm crossing my fingers for a low 2:1 - I predict 61/62... no higher than 64 certainly, probably no lower than 65.
So that's done and finished and now I can't use "but I'm revising!!) as a real excuse to not knuckle down and carry on reading for my extended essay. *sigh*
I'm fairly surprised to be awake this early actually - because of course with mock exams yesterday that makes today the-morning-after-the-night-before. Bit of a headache but for some reason when I got home last night I sat up with a block of cheese and some crackers which seems to have helped. Have to say though I feel like uber-geek as I was home by midnight :( Granted, I couldn't be bothered to come home after exams and before the pub so I started drinking around 6 but still.
I feel like a bit of a failure as a student sometimes. It's rare for me to get into that completely-off-your-face madly clubbing mode. I know there's nothing wrong with that but the ironic thing is that I used to do it quite regularly back home. It's just that at uni I've never actually really had one group of friends who are my group. There are my coursemates, and the guys I live with, and the people I know from extra-curriculars... But I always get to happy-drunk and then somebody in the group I'm with makes some kind of in-joke and I remember that I'm on the outside and suddenly don't feel like I want to carry drinking on anymore. <-- sensitive loser. (Although that could be the hangover talking). The thing that really sucks is that when I go home I seem to have lost the ability to just go get lashed. The stop-after-5-drinks seems to perpetuate there too now. Oddness.
But hey - exams are over so maybe today will be brighter :)
So that's done and finished and now I can't use "but I'm revising!!) as a real excuse to not knuckle down and carry on reading for my extended essay. *sigh*
I'm fairly surprised to be awake this early actually - because of course with mock exams yesterday that makes today the-morning-after-the-night-before. Bit of a headache but for some reason when I got home last night I sat up with a block of cheese and some crackers which seems to have helped. Have to say though I feel like uber-geek as I was home by midnight :( Granted, I couldn't be bothered to come home after exams and before the pub so I started drinking around 6 but still.
I feel like a bit of a failure as a student sometimes. It's rare for me to get into that completely-off-your-face madly clubbing mode. I know there's nothing wrong with that but the ironic thing is that I used to do it quite regularly back home. It's just that at uni I've never actually really had one group of friends who are my group. There are my coursemates, and the guys I live with, and the people I know from extra-curriculars... But I always get to happy-drunk and then somebody in the group I'm with makes some kind of in-joke and I remember that I'm on the outside and suddenly don't feel like I want to carry drinking on anymore. <-- sensitive loser. (Although that could be the hangover talking). The thing that really sucks is that when I go home I seem to have lost the ability to just go get lashed. The stop-after-5-drinks seems to perpetuate there too now. Oddness.
But hey - exams are over so maybe today will be brighter :)
Wednesday 9 January 2008
How it all began...
So I started thinking today... or yesterday... or maybe last week... I'm not sure. But I started thinking: and what I thought was "I'm in the most stressful year of my degree, at probably one of the most stressful universities in the country, and it sucks having nobody to talk to it about. I haven't kept a diary since I was 16 and life became to complicated to fit on a page, but wouldn't it be great to start again?" So now I have.
I figure there must be tonnes of people out there in the ether all going through the same thing. It's your last year in university. You're stressed as hell. Some days it feels like you're barely going to scrape the 2i that will make your degree worth having. (This annoys me: what's the point in having 4 classes if only the top 2 are considered useful). Other days you're torn between going for that 1st you once got on a single essay that you wrote in an inspired 4am Relentless-fuelled marathon and actually having a life in your final year. Then you remember that nobody has fun in their final year, and that if it's going to suck you may as well make the most of it sucking and do the best you can.
The worst bit of this is that everybody around you is doing the same. Especially here. That has its benefits. It means that by the beginning of April I will be unable to find somebody to go to the pub with. It means that I'm unlikely to spend my 21st birthday in a ditch: which is surely how every newly-21-ed person should spend the night? It means that when it all gets too much people do understand. But it also means that when I say "AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!" They respond with "Yeah, I know." When what I really want is for them to sit quietly and nod in the right places while I rant about how little sleep I've had; and how I now have permanent back ache because my poor posture, combined with hunching over a library desk is killing my back; and how I have no idea how to get my thesis from something that "I wouldn't recommend you hand in" to what it should be: which is extra marks I don't need to worry about come the summer exams.
So that's what this blog is for I guess. The Life of a Finalist. I can rant: and maybe you can join in. Perhaps it will be cleansing. :)
I figure there must be tonnes of people out there in the ether all going through the same thing. It's your last year in university. You're stressed as hell. Some days it feels like you're barely going to scrape the 2i that will make your degree worth having. (This annoys me: what's the point in having 4 classes if only the top 2 are considered useful). Other days you're torn between going for that 1st you once got on a single essay that you wrote in an inspired 4am Relentless-fuelled marathon and actually having a life in your final year. Then you remember that nobody has fun in their final year, and that if it's going to suck you may as well make the most of it sucking and do the best you can.
The worst bit of this is that everybody around you is doing the same. Especially here. That has its benefits. It means that by the beginning of April I will be unable to find somebody to go to the pub with. It means that I'm unlikely to spend my 21st birthday in a ditch: which is surely how every newly-21-ed person should spend the night? It means that when it all gets too much people do understand. But it also means that when I say "AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!" They respond with "Yeah, I know." When what I really want is for them to sit quietly and nod in the right places while I rant about how little sleep I've had; and how I now have permanent back ache because my poor posture, combined with hunching over a library desk is killing my back; and how I have no idea how to get my thesis from something that "I wouldn't recommend you hand in" to what it should be: which is extra marks I don't need to worry about come the summer exams.
So that's what this blog is for I guess. The Life of a Finalist. I can rant: and maybe you can join in. Perhaps it will be cleansing. :)
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